Iknoor got ready for the day,she hadn't spotted her husband in the bedroom when she woke up and she didn't even bother to find him.
She wasn't going to go to the hospital but she couldn't just stay cooped up in the bedroom as well so she decided to go downstairs and help her mother in law in preparing the breakfast.
"Aunty mein kuch help kr du?"Iknoor asked as she spotted Bela with Pankhuri in the kitchen.
"Nhi,beta sab ho hi chuka h"Bela said with a smile.
"Mein chai bana deti hu"Iknoor still said as tea wasn't prepared yet.
"Nhi beta mein kr lungi"Pankhuri said.
"It's okay aunty mein kr dungi"Iknoor said as she started preparing the tea.
Bela didn't ask her anything related to yesterday because it might dampen her mood even further.
Together they prepared breakfast.Aayat too joined them but she packed the lunch box for Iti,Kiyaan,Rishi and Naksh.
"Tum hospital aa rahi ho Iknoor?"Mahir asked as he too joined everyone for breakfast.
Iknoor shook her head in denial hearing that,she was never going to go back to the hospital,it wasn't her place to be.
"Do you need to talk about it?"Mahir further asked and she again shook her head in denial.
She had made her decision and she would like to stick to it.
Mahir sighed but didn't say anything to her then.
They all had a silent breakfast, Nirvair had already left early in the morning and so he wasn't with them for breakfast.
Everyone left for their respective work places and Iknoor was left with the older Sehgal's.
She sat with them in the living room because she didn't have anything else to do.
"Bad things happen bete,it doesn't mean you are incapable of handling them"Andy said not at all beating around the bush.
Iknoor looked up from her lap and stared at her grandfather in law whose eyes held kindness.
She sighed.
Maybe she won't be able to make anyone understand her point,they couldn't understand.
"Wahi beta,ek baar nakamiyab hui iska matlab yeh thodi h baar baar nakamiyab hogi,aur wese bhi doctor bhagwan thodi hote h!hrr kisi ko nhi bachaya jaa sakta h beta"Pinky dadi said but Iknoor didn't say anything in reply.
"Iknoor puttar,itna mayus nhi hote h ki sab kuch chod de!aisa bht baar hota h life mein ki insaan tut jaata h,pr uss waqt himmat nhi haarna hota h"Sumitra too said and Iknoor still just listened not knowing what she should tell them.
"You have worked hard for this beta, studied hard for this,you can't just give up on it"Shakti too said and Iknoor's eyes again turned teary hearing all that.
It wasn't easy for her.
It wasn't just a failure in her career.
Her unsuccessful attempt caused someone's life.
She could never compensate for it ever in her life.
She can't take this on her,she couldn't live with herself knowing she isn't able to save people!
"Mujhse...nh..nhi hoga"Iknoor said and the elder's eyes softened seeing her teary eyes.
She was an emotional person that they had concluded,she was very much bothered with what had happened,it wasn't a small thing which could be forgotten after all.
Sumitra patted her back trying to console her.
Iknoor wiped her tears and tried not to cry anymore.
"You take your time beta,but don't act impulsively upon this, it's about your future after all"Andy said and Iknoor just nodded her head at that not saying anything again.
The day passed in a blur,she didn't have anything to do and so she spent most of her day in her room being alone, nobody bothered her because they wanted to give her some space to think about the things that had happened with her.
"Are you okay?"Nirvair asked as he entered the room in the evening and found her in the room.
Iknoor didn't say anything to him and kept scrolling through her phone,he sighed but didn't bother her.
They went downstairs for dinner,Iknoor didn't have much of an appetite so she just had some dal rice, everyone did notice her disinterest in the food but nobody commented on it.Atleast she hasn't refused to eat.
Mahir had decided to talk to Iknoor about it,he understood what she might be feeling but he also knows that she needs to know that it wasn't her mistake,it wasn't her fault that the patient died.
"Iknoor beta,yaha aao"Mahir said as he asked her to sit beside him.
Iknoor tried not to sigh because she knew what he would want to talk to her about.
She was tired of listening that it wasn't her fault and that doctors aren't god and that people fail!
She still went and sat beside him waiting for him to just speak and be over with it.
"Do you remember your interview?"Mahir asked instead making her confused but she nodded her head because that was the most beautiful day of her life.
"Why did you choose Sanjeevni Hospital?there were many which would have given you the same pay and privileges"Mahir asked knowingly.
"Meri mumma ne Sanjeevni se shuru kiya tha apna kaam and she had till the end worked there only"Iknoor said.
Her reason for joining Sanjeevni hospital was clear,she wanted to feel close to her mother and what better place then work where her mother used to spend most of her time after her home?
"And is it easy to get a job in my hospital?"Mahir asked and Iknoor shook her head in denial.
She had to undergo 3 rounds of interview one with Mahir himself and then she was selected for the job because Sanjeevni hires only the best of best.
She had been too happy when she had got to know that she had made it there!
"Then agar tumne itni mehnat se,3 rounds of interview crack krke almost 100 se zyada applicants ko peeche chodkr yeh job haasil kiya tha,toh ab aise hi jaane dogi isse?"Mahir asked and Iknoor sighed staring at her palm which was kept in her lap.
She knows what he was saying was right,but nobody was trying to understand her point of view.
"100 se zyada applicants ko peeche chodne ka koi fayda nhi h agar mein apne patients ko bacha hi na saku"Iknoor said and Mahir sighed.
Nobody was saying anything between them,they wanted Mahir to handle it,they were from the same profession after all,he might get through her.
"Iknoor failure comes in everyone's life"Mahir said.
"Our failure costs life uncle!I can't see it again and again,I can't live with this!the disappointed faces of the junior doctors,the grieving faces of the family members,I can't look at myself in the mirror after that day!I can't!Maybe I am letting all my life long hardwork go in vain but it's for my sanity!Maybe I am not meant for this! knowledge isn't everything.I don't have the courage to be a doctor"Iknoor stated clearly,she can't listen to them encouraging her every single time when she has accepted the fact that this job wasn't meant for her.
She was done.
Being a doctor has been her dream since her mother had died and she had achieved it too,but she wasn't meant for it!
She shouldn't do something she isn't meant to.
"Aap sab kuch bhi kahe,I am not changing my decision,I don't want to continue this job"Iknoor said looking at everyone,she could see the disappointed faces of everyone but she was firm on her stand.
"Bhabhi,aapko ek baar aur soch lena chahiye"Hriday said but Iknoor was firm on her stand and she shook her head in denial.
Everyone sighed.
Bela gestured for them all to be quiet for now,it was a recent event and so it would take her some time to forget about it.
Iknoor went in her bedroom once they all also left to sleep.She was keeping the bedsheet properly on the couch and arranging pillows for herself when Nirvair entered the bedroom but she didn't spare him even a glance.
"Iknoor,kya hum baat kr sakte h?"Nirvair asked.
"Nhi"Surprisingly she answered but refused to talk to him.
"Bas 5 min Iknoor,I swear usse zyada mein kuch nhi kahunga"Nirvair said but Iknoor ignored her.
He have had enough of this!
He was trying to talk to her,give her some space but she wasn't ready to talk to him!
"Iknoor listen to me please!mein tumhare hi baare mein baat kr raha hu!"Nirvair said as he pulled her wrist to make her look at him.
"Don't you ever touch me!"Iknoor said glaring at him and jerking her hand away from his wrist.
Nirvair felt bad but he didn't showed it at this moment.
"Mujhe tumhar...
"Jab tum mujhe apni biwi nhi maante na toh mere baare mein baat krne ka tumhara koi haq nhi h"Iknoor said sternly.
"Mein tumhe apni biwi maanta hu....
"Haa maanna toh padega hi!ab shadi jo ho gayi h!pr tum chahte toh nhi the na mujhse shadi krna?....toh ab mujhse kisi bhi baare mein baat krne ka tumhara right nhi h....meri personal life mein kya chal raha h,isse tumhe koi farak nhi padna chahiye!you don't deserve to be a part of my life after whatever you have done with me!"Iknoor said and Nirvair was already guilty.
"Iknoor just listen to me once....
"Accha thik h bolo!tumhe mujhse shadi nhi krni thi phir bhi tumne ki,ab aage aur kya bacha h woh bhi bata do"Iknoor said glaring daggers at him making him sigh.
"Mujhe uss baare mein baat nhi...
"Agar uss baare mein baat nhi krni h na toh mujhe tumse baat hi nhi krni h!if there is no relation between us then we don't have to talk!you live your life the way you want,I will live my life the way I want!we are in this only for our families"Iknoor said and Nirvair sighed.
"Toh you don't have to always pretend with me the way you did before our marriage!"Iknoor said.
How can she believe that this man did all those gestures truly?When he said it on her face that he didn't want to marry her!
"And yes,ek aur cheez,agar tum chaho toh mujhe divorce de sakte ho!baadmein yeh kehne ki zarurat nhi h ki meri wajah se tum iss rishte mein phase huye ho!mein nhi de sakti kyuki mein apni family ko hurt nhi krna chahti!tum de dena mujhe woh bhi acceptable h!"Iknoor said making Nirvair glare at her.
"Are you out of your mind?kya bole jaa rahi ho!...
"Jo h wahi keh rahi hu!we are into this just for our families!agar tum chaho toh divorce de do mujhe aur hum dono ko iss zabardasti ke rishte se azaad karo!....phir jisse shadi krni h karo kyuki mujhse toh shadi nhi krni thi na tumhe!"She said making Nirvair clench his jaws.
"I don't think abhi tum meri baat sunne ki halat mein ho....
"Aaj nhi,kal nhi,mujhe kabhi bhi tumhari baat nhi sunni h because you are a nobody for me!"Iknoor said turning back towards the couch and laying down on it.
Nirvair sighed looking at her sleeping figure turning away from him.
What could he do to make things better?
He has been trying to make her understand things!
He knows he fucked up by spewing that nonsense to her but what's done is done!
He can apologise and has been trying to do that since day one but she isn't ready to listen!
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